So we went to the play party on Sunday. I had e-mailed and spoken with both the host, and with another member of the group I met at the munch. Both assured me it was low stress and fun, and no one had to play. I knew I wouldn't play.
I knew that right till I was tied to a deck chair and people were hitting me with evil sticks...then I was starting think maybe I'd play...just a bit.
I loved it. The pain was bright and fresh, fun and alive. Enjoying pain is such a strange thing to consider mentally, but when it's happening, it's not really something I'm thinking about. I'm just there and it's there, and so we dance together. Fabulousness!
Other things I learned?
1) Apparently silent pain processing is sort of strange. This is a left over from my last experience and not really something I had even considered. It's ALL I know, so it's what I do. I think in all honesty, it really weirded some people out. That's something to tuck away and figure out later I guess. If fact the only moments where I was uncomfortable were the moments I vocalized with pain. I was waiting for a negative response. None came, but it's something that's 'there' for me emotionally, so I'll have to work on that. I'd love to just be able to say, Ow, or Ouch...maybe in time.
2) Rope...it might be more interesting than I thought. I really pictured myself as a "rope as a means to an end" sort of person. Use it to tie me, use it to hold me still. I never thought it could be used to illicit a response from me other than one of confinement. Rope moves and vibrates in a way I wasn't expecting. It gave me goosebumps. I love goosebumps more than anything :)
3) Stingy pain. I love it. I love the careful inhale and exhale as it explodes. I love the way it makes my brain shut the hell up. It's like an instant mute button. I had stingy pain before, and thuddy and everything else, but in a new environment, I'm really able to see what I like, what it does to me, and how I react. It's kind of neat, experiencing this when it's at least sort of 'about me'...
4) Trust...these are people I'm going to grow to trust. They are careful and thoughtful, and do wonderful things for my outlook on how this journey might go.
5) Bruises the next day can be fun instead of painful, regret filled reminders. I like poking at them...the Hubby likes seeing them.
6) Sjamboks fucking hurt and so do some bites...I knew I liked some biting, but some of them throb and hurt more later than when they happen. Sjamboks leave amazing precise marks...but with some deep hurty. Neat stuff.
