Today we got an invite to a play party.
hmmm...
I'm a fucking mess. A nervous ball of energy, anticipation and sheer anxiousness roll through my insides each time I try to think of it. I'm sure I'll screw up, stick out, be...wrong.
But I want to try. I've stuffed all this so far down for so long, it's starting to swell inside me. I have this amazing hubby beside me who isn't just supporting me, he's exploring on his own.
It looks like "here we go" time...but all I can figure out is that I'm terrified he'll find his way, and then find I'm not enough. That all the things I was told so long ago, were the truth and not phrases said to just manipulate and belittle. That when I left this lifestyle, it was because I couldn't do it, not because I had done it wrong. I want so much to try this again and get it right this time, but I feel like I'm at a starting line and I'm afraid to move. But now we're moving, like it or not...
Ready. Set. Go.
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