My 1st Needles Experience

First my background: I am a former “pass out” queen in a medical environment. I have passed out while sitting in chairs after a blood draw. I would go deathly pale even while lying flat to get an IV. I am not a person who would be considered “into” needles or blood. Squeamish, faint, and nauseated are all better descriptions of me in any medical environment involving needles and/or blood…especially if it was happening to me. In recent years, thanks to an auto immune disease, I have had to tolerate blood draws, injections and IV’s on a more regular basis. I am better than I use to be with needles. I don’t watch it happen, but with careful breathing, I get through it. However when you combine my compete lack of tolerance of seeing my own blood with some abuse in the past involving blood play; I was more concerned with how I would react to the sight of blood when the needles came out than I was with the pain of the actual needles.

I had a few offers to do needles for me the first time. I’m not sure if needle tops just really love the newbies, or if there just are not many needle bottoms, but word that I was looking to try needles spread. Perhaps I just have amazing friends who were looking forward to me being stuck over and over? When 'S' offered to be my pokey Top, I was thrilled. I haven’t known 'S' for that long, but her reputation in the scene is very good. She’s known for being very good at what she does, and I have to completely agree with that.

Why needles? My rational for trying needle play was my complete love of things that are a mental challenge. Pain wise I figured there was little chance that a needle could have more sting than an evil stick. I imagine that a Top could make it hurt significantly and in ways much different than an evil stick, but I was confident 'S' wouldn’t do that to me, my first time out of the pokey gates. I knew pain wise, I would be fine. I’ve been swatted with things once or twice, so am fairly aware of my own tolerance for pain, sting, and other ouch. Mentally, getting by the part where I was willingly laying down and letting someone thread needles through my skin….that was a little weirder, but doable. Considering the part where she would pull the needles back out and I would bleed though... Hmm. Not my favorite part to contemplate when thinking about the needle experience, but something I clearly had to except as a part of the process.

I ordered 22 gauge and 20 gauge needles that were 1 ½ inches long. Needles are the same as all things “gauged” the larger the gauge, the thinner the needle. As reference, around a 26 gauge is a butterfly needle which is what is typically used on children to draw blood. We were not planning to thread a meat hook through me or anything crazy. We would use 22 gauge needles for me, and start on my back where I could not see any of it, but just get used to the sensation.

'S' had me breathe in and out a couple times and then told me on the next exhale she would do the needle. I took a deep breath, and as I exhaled she slid the first needle through. I think I giggled. If I didn’t, it was because I was so stunned by how little it hurt. Her skill certainly played a part in that. She was as gentle on me as humanly possible. She paused and asked me how I was. I was fine. (Disclaimer: I understand these were beginner needles from a wonderful Top who was going insanely easy on me. I would appreciate not getting 100 offers of experiencing mean needles.

From here on, I’m a little less clear. I know she did a cluster of maybe 4 or 5 needles lined up close together on my right shoulder area and a small pinwheel on the right. She did add some 20 gauge needles to the pinwheel after we saw I could handle the 22’s without any problems. I did not find a significant different in the level of pain between the 20’s and 22’s. She went a little deeper with the 20’s but pain wise it was still fairly minor. There were certainly some sensations as I moved my shoulders. I could feel the needles in, but they were sort of just there, not in a painful or obvious way. 'S' would also pat and adjust needles as she added more which was a really interesting feeling that I enjoyed a lot. Overall, I would say my head space went to a very “I’m getting a massage” sort of place. I listened to her instructions on when to breathe in and out with each needle, and answered her questions when she checked in on me, but it was actually a pretty relaxing, mellow experience. Mentally once I knew I could handle a 22 ga. in one area; it seemed she could add more to that area in the same way and they all felt pretty similar. After she did both patterns on the back, each one being 5-7 needles, she asked if I wanted to take them out and try some on my chest.

I was really curious about what the removal would feel like, and if there would be any pain. When done nicely, there is pretty much zero pain. 'S' was nice enough to pull most of the needles out in that way, straight back through, so the bevel on the end of the needle wasn’t cutting inside on the way back through the channel. After a few like that she asked if I wanted a little more “mean”. Of course I did! So she did one needle removed at a slight angle so the bevel drags along the inside of flesh, cutting as it comes back out. That pain was not intense, but it was certainly a different sensation than pulling the needle straight out had been. I think that was the only evil thing she did to me. She talked about some other evil stuff but said she would rather not do them to me my first time.

So the needles are out, but by now I’m pretty zoned out and not even really thinking that at this point, there might be a little blood back there. She cleans the area with alcohol (YAY! I love that) and I giggle a bit through the sting. Then I feel her fingers slowly start to trace little circles on my back. It takes me about 3 seconds to realize she is either drawing or writing with my blood back there. I mentally check in with myself and realize that, nope…I don’t care. Apparently I’m not bothered by the idea of someone playfully making some kind of shape or word with my blood. Good to know. I still don’t know what she wrote or drew back there, as I haven’t seen the pictures yet.

Once the blood on my back was cleaned and beginning to clot, which happens really fast for me, I flipped over and we contemplate some pretty stuff for my front. She did another small cluster of 4 needles above my right breast. Then we decide I can sit up and we’ll do a corset down my left arm. Six needles and some purple ribbon later I’m sporting my first needle corset. It was beautiful! For two of the needles in the corset I was even able to watch her slide them through. I loved it so much, I asked for a second small corset starting under my collarbone. I did make the interesting discovery that when a needle goes through and is in the “wrong” spot and is removed and then slid through again, it is actually a bit more painful. Not a lot, but apparently the needles do get less sharp after that first pass. 'S' warned me that it wouldn’t be as sharp, but I was still surprised and found it interesting. I would think that steel vs flesh, it would take more than one pass to make it noticeably dull, but there was a noticeable difference in how it felt to me.

Then I had the pleasure of a little break with my needles still in while someone else got a turn and I got to watch. 'S' showed me a few other techniques, a little more evil, how some Tops cap the needle in the flesh. It was really nice to be able to watch the process and learn more about it. I was offered the chance to use a pokey but I declined. No Topping for me right now (everyone can breathe a sigh of relief)…

When the needles came out, I was able to see how much the holes bled and we watched the blood trail down his back and side. 'S' asked me a couple times if I was okay and I was. I was almost shocked that I could handle it like that, but rationalized that it wasn’t my own blood.

Then the time rolled around to take out the rest of my needles. She asked where we should start and I said the arm. I wanted to know how I would handle the blood right away. This is where I am supposed to tell you guys I fainted right?

I was fine.

When the blood was my own and I could see it and feel it rolling down my arm, it made it seem brighter…warmer…somehow “more” than I was expecting. It was an interesting thing, how a blood in a non-medical setting was so different to me than blood in a medical setting. The blood becomes almost...spell binding. To be clear, there was not a lot of blood. We are talking trickles…but certainly still a surprise for me in how I handled it! When the needles were removed from my chest, she let the blood run down and just stopped it from hitting my bra. Then from *somewhere* came the suggestion that I needed a mustache. Out of my own blood. She gleefully added a goatee to match. All I could do was laugh. I am fairly certain there are pictures of me sporting a huge grin with a stunning mustache and little goatee made out of blood from my first needle experience.

So while you shiver and shake and say…NEVER, consider this. My list of “nevers” used to include:

*I would never sub/bottom to a switch
*I would never sub/bottom to a female
*I might consider staples, but never needles
*I would never consider any blood play…at all…

So this is what I pulled from my first needles experience! Over and above the fact that I can tolerate at least “nice” needle play, I learned I need to say never a lot less. Obviously everyone has their hard limits, but this showed me that I needed to get in touch with WHY I have a limit, what it’s based on and which ones were completely arbitrary.