I am now just fully accepting I love needles. I love the process, I love the calm, I love the small unexpected stings when a mean needle comes out. I love the eww factor for many people. I love how it's starting to push me in a totally mental way.
Saturday night I was lucky enough to end up at a party that 'S' was also at. She carved out sometime toward the end of a busy night for her to do some needles on me. I had brought beads filled with glue to cap the ends of the needles that she used for an arm corset, and that came out lovely...a few hiccups in the logistics, but a learning process so that at some point we could do that and I could leave them in and walk around for a party I think. Very cool. Then I laid flat and she started between my shoulders and did a line right down my spine of alternating 20 and 22 gauge needles. Just over 30 of them. She figured out pretty quick she could play that like a needle xylophone and it made me giggle. It made me laugh. It made my entire body shaky and feel like it was vibrating. I was pretty floaty I think.
We were set up in a fairly public spot and my guess is people passed back and forth most of the time she was doing them. I have no memory of many of the details, except one. I floated up briefly and was slightly more lucid...not sure if she had asked me something, or had just played the xylophone or what, but I was slightly with it, and I looked over to a row of 4 chairs set up about 5 feet from us. In each chair was an observer, calmly watching our needle scene...eating. Totally weird-ed me out. I had to flip my head the other way so I couldn't see them.
So she gets as many needles in as she can handle (it's hard on the back, leaning over to put in needles) and asks if I want to lay there and enjoy the needles for a while. I must have indicated in some way that I did...I sort of remember that part. But only vaguely remember her either mentioning she was going to go get the sjambok, or perhaps asking if she should, and I encouraged it for some reason, which wouldn't surprise me. Either way, she ended up letting me lay there with the needles in while she practiced more with the sjambok. She can be an intense hitter. Slightly more rapid fire than I've experienced before. There was no time between swats for the endorphins to hit, so they would all slam into me at once when she paused. Sometimes she would pause and then lean over and play the needle xylophone, which left me sounding like a lunatic, and her not sure if I was sobbing or laughing. She would pause, the endorphins would hit, then she would play the xylophone and that would make my whole body all shivery. It was like that point while being tickled where you are positive there are three outcomes; you will either die, burst into flames or pee everywhere. Totally overwhelming. Not something I think could ever be recreated. Being beaten with the needles down my spin was really interesting. I was coming from such a floaty place to start with, there was no "gear up" to the pain. No mental preparation at all. I think it left my pain tolerances much lower than normal cause I wasn't really actively processing at all, I was just kind of laying their drooling, sound like an injured hyena.
Good Times.
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